My husband is one of the most laidback people I have ever met. He relaxes about everything. When I was diagnosed as infertile, he told me, “No, God told me we’ll have a child. Here’s a toy penguin with a baby, that I bought you as a physical reminder that it’s going to happen.” When I’d plaintively ask, “But WHEN??? Are you SURE!” He’d say, ‘'Before 5 years is over…” Try telling an infertile woman that you know they’ll fall pregnant ‘sometime’ in the next 5
loooooong years and see how well that goes down ;-)
So, with this adoption thing, he’s laidback as well. Bah humbug! He’s like, “Ag, I’m sure by June we’ll have a baby, relax!” Whereas I’m all, “But we don’t know what they’re up to and how long it will take!”
My only solace is that I’m not alone. Other women who have blogged during the process-too few here in South Africa-also experienced the same, “When? How long, what’s next and when?” issue. Same with other males who are interested-and have no clue how involved the whole process is ;-)Even one of my family references in the midst of her pregnancy AND labour, has been asking if I’ve heard from the agency.
The answer is, yes.
They sent out the reference forms to our references this past Monday the 19th of Jan. Woohoo!!
One of the references asked if we’ve heard back from the agency (on Wednesday) and if all the references have sent their letters in. I’m too shy to ask each person! So I’m HOPING they’ve sent them all in. Two of my references sent me copies of what they wrote. Made me a bit weepy. They were so sweet and brought out things about our relationship and parenting that I’d never think of bringing up. I know one of them did send it to the agency. I’m hoping the other DID send it it in and not only to me! The one (the ref who’s not a friend/relative) must have sent it in, because he asked if we’ve heard. So, out of 5, I’m only sure of 2. Not good for this “instant gratification” woman!
To repeat-once the agency is satisfied with those, they’ll get in touch to make an appointment for our psych assessments-which we need to pay for. Only when that is done will it really feel like we are starting the process. (And yes, I did read from one blog that it takes some time after the assessments to hear back re the next step. Of course, ‘some time’ as seen through our ‘female adoption’ lens is different to ‘some time’ in other people’s language ;-)) A week feels like an eternity when you’re aching to hold a little one in your hand and you aren’t sure if/when that will happen.
Love brings an ache.