It seemed like a match made in heaven by two heavenly-minded young people. She came to us as spiritual parents, and sent him to us too, in order to make his intentions known to us.
He came. We spoke to him. Sincere young man. Nothing bad to be said about him. Said all the right things regarding his principles, the type of home he envisages his family running, the role differentiations within families…It was all fine.
We saw her and asked her if she felt it could work. She thought it definitely could. He was grateful that we gave our approval and that she agreed to court.
But then the euphoria died down and her doubts crept in. Eventually it culminated with her doing her best to ignore the doubts. After all, there was nothing ‘WRONG’ with him. He didn’t break any principle. But her heart said, “No.” And as spiritual parents, who were we to say otherwise? Yes, we all have flaws, but maybe his could be ignored, like all flaws can can be. On the other hand, just because he meets all the criteria doesn’t mean he’s right for HER. Even Mrs White said that no loving parent would force their child to marry someone they cannot love..
And so, the euphoria died. We loved them both, they loved us, they loved each other…But not in the right way. And so, it ended. Amicably, with a prayer uttered. And a disaster has been averted. For though it seemed good on paper, she would have violated her individuality, her conscience, by binding herself to someone who was just not the right fit for her. And yes, though we too saw nothing wrong in either of them as individuals- nothing insurmountable- we could see that “together as a unit” was just not for them.
Counselling and couple’s counselling doesn’t always lead to a typical happy ending. But it leads to an ending that will eventually give rise to happiness. There would have been tensions and yielding of one’s true self and so though right now we all feel terrible for the one party, there’s also a sense of relief. Principles aren’t the ONLY thing to look for in a marriage. But they are the first thing.